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WEDDING CHANNEL Good Manners, Great Style (abridged) July 2000 Lifestyle and background dictate many traditions and decisions. Consequently, Claudia Hanlin, owner of Claudia Hanlin's Wedding Library in Manhattan, advised: "The bride must talk to her mother-in-law, as well as her mother. And she must listen to what they both have to say!" Be flexible. Do they want their arms covered? Their legs? If you want them both in pea green, and one looks awful in pea green, consider a softer hue. Maybe celery green will work, pleasing everyone. I love Hanlin's dictate: "This is not a Broadway musical. This is not The Rockettes." Remember that. No law says both mothers need to be dipped in one color. On the other hand, the wedding ceremony is a visual production, and you want it to look good. Your catch-phrase as you plan? "Appropriate for the occasion." What works in a grand hotel ballroom does not work in a garden. What works in a wedding party with two bridesmaids does not work in a wedding party with ten. Speaking of bridesmaids, no other part of the wedding requires good manners more. On both sides. Rule number one: Wear what the bride says. Period. It is not about you. No one will notice your arms. No one will notice your hips. Everyone will notice a miserable scowl. If the bride decrees her bridesmaids will wear the same dress in the same color, it is rude for you not to be flexible. Of course, there is a flipside. The bride needs to be sensitive to her bridesmaids. Today, the most fashionable brides often choose an array of styles or hues of a dress, or ballskirt and sweater set, for their attendants. Either gives bridesmaids options to personalize their look and look their best. Again, ask: "What is appropriate?" Be sensitive to finances, along with figure problems. "Offer to supplement the cost to those who can not afford it," remarked Hanlin. "Quietly and discreetly." Or surprise your bridesmaids with a wonderful accessory. What a lovely way to say, "thank you" for helping to make the day perfect. The same rule of thumb goes for the groom. Be appropriate. Be sensitive. If you would like your groomsmen in black tie, and several do not own tuxedos, consider paying the rental fee. Likewise, if your wedding is formal, and you know some out-of-town guests do not own tuxedos, provide information about local rentals. While talking about black tie, the inevitable question becomes whether it is proper to write it on the invitation. Many say if a wedding is after a certain time, and the wording is written in a certain manner, everyone understands to dress in formal attire. Yet, we no longer live in a world where everyone goes to cotillion together. Once more, be sensitive. If you will save even one friend from embarrassment, put it on. That's what's proper. Without doubt, when the invitation says "Black Tie," it is rude for guests to ignore your request. It is ruder still for you to admonish them if they do not comply. Remember: be flexible. One final time: Be sensitive. Be flexible. Be appropriate. Remember your manners. Watchwords of wedding etiquette for the bride, her mother, her mother-in-law, her groom, and her guests. Wrap them around tradition and personal style for a day that is perfectly, tastefully, elegantly, and most importantly, uniquely yours. |
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